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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 7/2/2013 Posts: 41
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Invisible Illness
Behind a smile I swallow deep
A tear from you I try to keep
As pain extinguishes my spirit whole
Behind a smile my fear has grown
I didn’t ask for it to come
Instead it hid for years say some
Like a lion hides to devour their prey
I’m trapped and there’s no getaway
Behind a smile I swallow deep
You’re asking how I’m doing see
So I simply lie, I’m fine thank you
So much easier than the awful truth
I didn’t ask for it to come
So why the guilt which comes undone
Why the anger why the pain
How can illness make you go insane?
Behind a smile I’ll rise again
From the darkest depths you’ll see, but when?
I will fight like a warrior true and strong
And stand tall in this world to shine a light on
By Natalie Sohier
To all living with Invisible diseases
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2013 Posts: 144 Location: Dumfries
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Hi Natalie
I was reading this with tears in my eyes - beautifully written and very poignant.
Hope you are doing ok?
Lisa xx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 7/2/2013 Posts: 41
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Thank you Lisa,
Things are pretty bad right now on top of the RA I have now developed horrible bowel symptoms including a lot of pain and bleeding!.......... scared to death but I am sure that's just me worrying, I have been referred to a gastrologist but could be a long wait so the pain continues. I have only been able to take my first loading dose of cimzia since then I have had a chest infection, throat infection boils and mouth ulcers and 2 courses of antibiotics all in the space of 3 weeks!!!
Any way I shall push through and try to stay positive, Hope you are keeping well xxxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/29/2010 Posts: 264
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Heartfelt poem Natalie, but sounds like you are having a truely horrible time . I hope you get to see the specialist soon about the bowel problem and that all the other symptons improve, boils are just awful not to mention ulcers as well.
Surely the wait shouldn't be so long with symptoms such as those?
Best wishes
Sheila
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 7/2/2013 Posts: 41
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Hi Sheila,
Thank you for your support.
Doctor said if I don't hear back from gastrologist in 3 weeks to call her back, 3 weeks seems like an eternity, I am terrified to eat as I am scared to go to the toilet ( I sound crazy!!!).
Hope you are well
lots of love xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/20/2010
Posts: 153
Location: Kent
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Hi Natalie, I'm booing my eyes out! sad] So heartfelt, so true. Sorry to hear you are having such an awful time. Hope things improve very quickly for you. Thinking of you Lou xxx I love people who can make you smile even when you do not feel like smiling. x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 7/2/2013 Posts: 41
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Thank you Louise, I am glad you liked I reckon it hits a nerve with us all eh.
I hope you are well xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2013 Posts: 144 Location: Dumfries
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Hi Natalie
Sorry to hear you are having such an awful time of it. Sounds like you are going through the mill with all that is going on. I hope you are getting loads of TLC at home and I hope you get seen by the Gastrologist asap to get a solution.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
Love and hugs
Lisa xx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 7/2/2013 Posts: 41
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Thank you lisa, I really appreciate it and hope you are doing well xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 838 Location: Nottinghamshire
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You really should submit this poem to NRAS to be put in their next magazine.
No one knows what goes on behind the smile and the I am fine.
Beautifully put, gave me goose bumps.
Hope things improve for you soon.
There is light at the end of the tunnel I promise you........it's just finding your tunnel....and you will.
Love Paula x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 242
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Hi natalie
Your poem is inspirational, it really touched my heart reading your heartfelt words this morning. I feel in a bit of a dark place too but felt uplifted by your words of courage and positivity. Like Paula says you should submit it for the NRAS magazine, it would help many others.
I really hope you rise from the darkest depths soon, I am having problems with cimzia too, this illness can be so wretched and cruel at times but I am sure you will find a way forward.
Thank you again for your wonderful poem.
Love
Rebecca
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 7/2/2013 Posts: 41
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Thank you so much, I didn't really imagine it would touch so many of you and it was such a pleasure to write as it gives me an outlet too.
Great idea about the magazine whats the best way to submit it is it through the website or by post?
Anyway I wish you all as much happiness as you all deserve cause at the end of the day we are fighters who deserve to be happy x thoughts are always with you x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 182 Location: kilwinning north ayrshire
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great poem natalie, says what we all feeling, I hope you get some relief soon, boils are bad enough to cope with but ulcers as well thinking of you xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
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beautiful poem Natalie,
i hope you get some help soon, sorry to hear you are struggling.
Suzanne
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Rank: Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 11/7/2013
Posts: 23
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Hi Natalie your poem struck so many chords with me. 'The silent disease' is exactly how I described it at my humiliating sickness meeting at work today. That's exactly what it is! I also find myself endlessly replying " fine thanks" when asked how I am and I know that sounds really Ungrateful but no-one wants to be around a complaining misery. So we soldier on, slap that smile on and get on with it. Have you noticed how people treat you differently too!
Thank goodness for NRAS cos this is lonely and it's great to know there's a place to go.
Debs xxx
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